Monday, February 6, 2012

Sleeping Beauty

So sorry not to have posted in so long but it seems I have been spending most of my time sleeping.  I make sure to go to work, attend my personal training sessions and other appointments and scheduled things but any free time and I am usually asleep or at least laying down.  I think it is a combination of the medication I am on to prevent a cycle while I wait for the cyst to resolve, Norethindrone Acetate, which can cause drowsiness and the cough that I can't seem to get rid of.  When I sleep it isn't a good sleep because I am always waking up to cough and it feels like I am drowning.  I was taking mucinex and that seemed to help but I hate being on so many pills! 

I tried taking cough medicine but as my Mom could tell you I never was any good at taking my cough medicine.  I thought surely it can't be that bad - I'll just knock it back and be good for most of the day.  Ugghh!!!!  I gagged and almost threw up - it was as bad as a I remembered maybe even worse.  Just thinking about it makes me nauseous and I had to breathe deep until I could get some water to wash it down.  So no cough medicine for me thank you!  Tonight Handsome was also tired after work and came to nap with me but i couldn't stop coughing so I finally got up so he could rest.

This weekend was lots of fun, I went to a Dream Dinners tasting with my friend Beth as part of a group.  It is a pretty neat idea where you can prepare dinners all at once (using their spoons and stuff so no clean up) and then take them home , throw them in the freezer, and bring them out for dinner.  I made a mandarin orange chicken with vegetables that we may have tonight if my husband ever wakes up.  The only drawback is that there weren't a lot of choices that would fit the picky tastes of both my husband and me, and that you had to buy so many servings at once.  36 servings was at least $150 and I don't know that I have that much room in my freezer but it is something to consider.  I also got to go to a baby shower for my friend Beth - congratulations again Beth!  She is considering both cloth diapers and disposable so I made her a diaper cake with prefolds.  Well actually my Mom was the one who constructed it and I just decorated it.  It looked fabulous if I do say so myself.  I even won a prize in the diaper raffle (you entered the raffle by bringing diapers to the shower)

Some people I know who have had issues with fertility have said they had a hard time being around friends and family who were pregnant.  I won't deny that I sometimes find it hard as well and think "why me", "it's so unfair" etc. but I try to look at the positive side that someday I WILL get pregnant and I'll want and need the same support I am giving them.  Plus who doesn't like babies?  With my close friends I am so excited for them that it usually doesn't bother me but I will say that sometimes when an acquaintance says they are pregnant (usually on facebook) I kind of want to punch them.  I know its not their fault and I know that i don't know their whole story - maybe they had fertility issues too but sometimes that feeling is there.

A friend of mine commented that it was "difficult to know what to say that will be a comfort to you during this time" to me so I thought I would compose a little DOs and DON'Ts as they apply to me.  Everyone is different so other women might feel differently about this list but I think at least a few will be universal:

DO ask questions.  Yes it is sometimes hard for me to talk about but it is also cathartic and I would rather talk about it than you be afraid to bring it up making it seem secret and shameful.
DON'T tell me if I just relax or just stop trying that then I will get pregnant.  This isn't magic people, I have an ovulation issue and a doctor's help in trying to work through it - relaxing isn't going to do anything - I already tried that.
DO offer sympathy.  I don't need you to fix my problems I am already working on that with my husband and my doctor but a shoulder to cry on, a friend to lean on, the affirming words "that sucks!" are all things that I want and need.
DON'T tell me its all in God's plan.  I don't mean to offend all of my religious friends and family but guess what I have my own plans and they don't include spending thousands of dollars and over two years struggling with infertility.
DO tell me about your own experiences.  Only if you feel comfortable of course but when others tell me their stories it helps me not feel so alone in this struggle
DON'T ask if I had the miscarriage because I drank some tea (caffeine) or in any way insinuate in the smallest degree that it is somehow my fault I had a miscarriage.  It isn't and although I can say that from a logical viewpoint I am already blaming myself enough I don't need your help.  My miscarriage was almost certainly due to the non-viability of the embryo something chromosomally wrong.  None of my eating, drinking, or activities were adverse to pregnancy.
DO feel free to laugh about the funny things.  Sometimes if I'm not laughing I'd be crying and there are some things that are funny
DON'T expect me to take all your advice.  Advise is a tricky thing.  I don't mind you giving advise with things that helped you or helped friends of yours get pregnant, but realize that I am an engineer; I beleive in science and medicine and I am going to vet everything through my doctor.  So don't get offended if I don't try your acupunturist, or your homemade soup, or dancing naked under the moon - it may have worked for you but I'll stick with what I know.
DO DO DO keep me in your thoughts or your prayers and feel free to reach out.  A little good energy never hurt anyone and if nothing else it will make me feel better.

Please try not to be offended by anything I put in my Do's and Don'ts list.  Again I can only say that this applies to me.  If you have other friends or family going through fertility or pregnancy issues then please talk to them and find out their Do's and Don'ts list.  The worst thing you can do is be afraid to talk to us, I think we would all rather you tried to reach out and say the wrong thing than cutting us off altogether because you don't know what to say.

"And, in the very moment when she felt the prick, she fell down upon the bed that stood there, and lay in a deep sleep. And this sleep extended over the whole palace; the King and Queen who had just come home, and had entered the great hall, began to go to sleep, and the whole of the court with them. The horses, too, went to sleep in the stable, the dogs in the yard, the pigeons upon the roof, the flies on the wall; even the fire that was flaming on the hearth became quiet and slept, the roast meat left off frizzling, and the cook, who was just going to pull the hair of the scullery boy, because he had forgotten something, let him go, and went to sleep. And the wind fell, and on the trees before the castle not a leaf moved again."
Grimm, Jacob; Grimm, Wilhelm; Charles River Editors; Taylor, Edgar (2011-11-29). The Complete Brothers Grimm's Fairy Tales (Illustrated) (Kindle Locations 3451-3456). Unknown. Kindle Edition.

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