Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Another Day

I am sitting inside as we get our third dust storm for the week (second just today).  They are already sending out warnings about driving.  One dusto storm ruined our dinner yesterday because Handsome couldn't grill - I mean who wants sand enshrouded corn and gritty chicken?  Despite the yucky sand storms that turn our house and all our plants orange, I am feeling fairly positive.  Minutes after I got done with my last post I went to the bathroom and my cycle had started!  For those of you who have been following along that means I am one step closer to our next fertility cycle and another chance at a baby.  After I - ahem- took care of things I leapt onto the couch hugging my husband and exclaiming "My period started! My period started!".  He looked at me like I was crazy until I reminded him that getting my cycle is step one to FET (frozen embryo transfer), then he hugged me.

I left a message on ARMS Nurse line Monday morning and that afternon Shelley called me to set up an appointment for me to come in Thursday for a blood draw.  She also told me how sorry she was that the pregnancy hadn't taken and how hopeful she had been when she called with the news of my second hCG test.  I told her I also needed to get my thyroid checked next week but would be out of town so she said they could do it early.  After getting off the phone she called me back a few minutes later and said to get this show on the road I should come in Tuesday because I need two negative pregnancy tests 4 weeks apart before they move on to FET and rather than make me wait until Thursday they would get me in Tuesday.  The results from the beta test (blood draw pregnancy test) was negative.  In a weird way that's a YAY because sure I woudl have loved to have been pregnant but obviously I am not and a negative test lets me move on to the next stage - waiting for 4 WEEKS!!  I also got back my thyroid test, my TSH was 2.57 which is right on the border of normal and high so Dr. Moffitt wants me to come in for a retest on Friday.

Handsome and I have been really busy this week because not only are we doing all of our normal stuff but we have to get the house and ourselves ready for our big trip.  Saturday we are starting our road trip to Shreveport, Louisianna for the annual 4th of July get-together my cousin has every year.  We aren't always able to go but we try our best.  It will be great to see everyone and I am looking forward to it!  I want to eat at Herby K's and sit out by the pool.  This time we get to stay for an entire week.  I will try to post between now and then but I doubt I will be posting while I am there.  Hope everybody has a GREAT 4th! ttyl

"Rain Rain Go Away" - as reimagined by me
"Sand, sand, go away,
Come again another day"
  - actually Sand, if you could just stay away and send Rain that would be great!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Looking for the Sunshine

Not a lot new today.  Handsome and I went to The Meat Shop a local butcher and got some New York Strips and some lamb shanks and shoulder chops yesterday.  After dropping the meat off at the house we went to La Bocca for lunch and had their antipasti plate and a bruschetta platter.  Then it was back home to try and fix out water pipes and do some investment work on etrade.  We thought we had fixed the water pipes (we turned off all the water to the house and then turned on the faucets to drain the air trap, once that was done we turned the water back on) but about 6 hours later it stared doing  the same thing so I think it is time to call the plumber.

While my husband was cleaning his shotgun I was watching some shows and unfortunately one was a mother's day episode of Suburgatory which really got to me.  I started to cry because sometimes I just feel so depressed and hopeless.  Handsome figured out that it wasn't my normal sentimentality crying and that I was truly sad and came over and held me.  He told me not to worry that we would fill be up with babies.  I try and be optimistic, look on the bright side, and keep moving forward but sometimes it feels like we have hit road block after road block.  Even after we got some good news and thought things were turning around we were set back at the starting line on Thursday.  Actually its more like being set behind the starting line because each time sets us further and further back. 

Today I went through all the filing and got rid of a lot of old stuff as well as putting a lot of new stuff away.  I am glad that more and more bills, records, etc. are becoming electronic but it still seems like we have a crap-load of paper that has to go somewhere.  Does anyone else hate that kind of stuff as much as I do?  At least it is done... for now.  Cleaning off the piles of paperwork and clutter makes me feel productive.  I feels as though I am not only organizing and brightening my home but I am cleaning out and brightening up me.  And boy do I need some brightening. 

So I will do my best to start looking forward (I can't promise that there wont be some more crying jags or sadness).  I will focus on the good - no more shots for a while - and focus on moving forward - hurry up period and come so we can get this show on the road!  The rain might have washed us down but we will rise again. 

"The Itsy Bitsy Spider"
"The Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled up the water spout,
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all  the rain,
And the Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled up the spout again!"

Thursday, June 21, 2012


So I have some preliminary bad news.  Today we went in for our 6 week ultrasound.  I had no idea what to expect or what we would be looking for.  Apparently at 6 weeks they are looking for the gestational sac, a dark circle/dot, surrounded by a thickened endometrium (white).  While Dr. Johnson found some structures that could be the beginning of a gestational sac nothing was clear cut.  They took more blood to see where my hCG levels are so they can determine if the pregnancy is abnormal or not as far along as they would like or if it has stopped.  They will call me tonight with the results - until then I am still on the shots.  I am almost numb and feel very depressed.  My head is killing me.  It seems like nothing ever comes easy for us. :(

I will update later when I hear back from the doctors.


So I have a horrible headache and I'm somewhat depressed so you will have to forgive the lack of nursery rhyme or faerie tale related post title or quote - maybe at another time I will change it.  I just heard back from the doctor (it's after 7pm) and it was not good news.  My hCG level has fallen to 5.5 so this was a biochemical pregnancy or very early miscarriage.  This basically means that only the hormones showed I was pregnant but the pregnancy never really started.  So going forward I will stop all hormone medications (will stay on higher thyroid medicine) and once I start my period I will go in for a blood test where they looking for a negative result.  Once they get that negative test I will be on birth control for 30 days and then take another test.  When they have two negative tests then they will transition me into a frozen cycle.  Handsome and I will of course continue to think about it but right now we are both leaning towards transferring two embryos on the frozen cycle.  I want to thank everyone who has sent me an email, txt or comment on my blog.  Although it didn't happen this time for us I take comfort in all of you as my support system.  ttyl

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Lumps, Bumps, and Bruises.. Oh My!!!

Hi guys, still anxiously waiting for my ultrasound this coming Thursday.  It all feels a little unreal.  After the happy happy news that I was pregnant I floated on that cloud of euphoria for a while but it is so early that I sometimes wonder if its really happening, if something is really growing inside of me.  I hope so and continue to think good thoughts.  The only bad part now is the progesterone shots.  The shots themselves don't particularly hurt but overtime they have created lumps in my butt.  I have one main lump on each side about the size of a walnut (in the shell).  They bother me - not so much physically but psychologically.  They hurt a little like a bruise and sometimes right after a shot it can be painful to lay on that side but for the most part they aren't too painful.  However the lack of pain - I HATE them!  It bothers me that they are there so I started mashing on them to try and work the knot/lump/bump what ever you want to call it out.  Turns out that did nothing to the size of the lump but now I have an explosion of dark purple bruises (mainly on my right side) so I try and leave them alone.  Hopefully at the ultrasound everything will look great and I will move over to the progesterone suppositories and lozenges.  But if not I'll continue to deal with the shots and the lumps and the bruises.  Handsome has been trying to help by moving the shots around more and staying on the edges of the circle away from the lumps but who knows.  I put together a sequence of photos of the progesterone shots for you to enjoy ;)

First we lay out a paper towel on the counter as our sanitary space along with all of our supplies.  The syringe with needle is the 25 gauge needle Handsome first uses to draw out the progesterone.  He then switches to the 22 gauge needle for the injection.  You can see the bottle of progesterone in oil and the alcohol wipe.

This is the 25 gauge needle I don't know if you can tell but it is thick like a nail, he fills it with air to put in the bottle to make withdrawing the fluid easier.

Here you can see Handsome withdrawing 2cc of the progesterone.

Here you can see that he has removed the old needle by putting the cap on and twisting the needle off of the syringe.  In his left hand is the new needle in its cap ready to be placed on the syringe.

Lastly, I tried to get a picture of the 22 gauge needle so you could see how fine it is and how it compares to the 25 gauge but it is hard to see against the paper towel.

By the way Happy Father's day to all the fathers and fathers-to-be out there.  These holidays have never bothered Handsome and I (we think of them as Hallmark holidays like Valentines day).  However, I did find this awesome card that I sent my husband.


Ice Cream, a Penny a Lump
"Ice cream, a penny a lump!
The more you eat, the more you jump.
Eeper, Weeper, Chimney sweeper,
Married a wife and could not keep her.
Married another,
Did not love her,
Up the chimney he did shove her!"

Monday, June 11, 2012


So far so good it seems.  I have started my new higher dosage of Levothyroxine.  I called ARMS and they said it takes a while to show up in my system so a test before 4 weeks isn't necessary.  I am looking forward to the ultrasound and am playing the waiting game again.  I hate waiting.  My husband took me out to celebrate on Friday and I had my first real dietary change- no smoked fish so I couldn't have my favorite smoked trout salad but the scallops were just as good I think.  Another change to get used to is that I am now a dry zone meaning no more wine or sips of beer.  So I have been trying some replacements.  I found a dry lemon soda that mixed with passion tea (passiontini) and placed in a martini glass is quite good.  When I ran out of the good lemon soda my husband created this drink which he calls "The Girlfriend" (that is what he calls me sometimes).
"The Girlfriend" is comprised of Boylans Lemon Soda which is sweeter than I normally like but Handsome added some lemon juice and grapefruit juice to make a wonderfully tart treat.  Dry soda also has a blood orange flavor which is great solo and looks like a real gin or vodka martini.
I have also tried the Dry rhubarb soda with grapefruit juice which is also tasty.  If anyone has some good ideas for some mock tails let me know.  I really  think the fancy glass helps :)

The Devil With Three Golden Hairs
"The road led him to a large town, where the watchman by the gates asked him what his trade was, and what he knew. "I know everything," answered the luck-child. "Then you can do us a favour," said the watchman, "if you will tell us why our market-fountain, which once flowed with wine has become dry, and no longer gives even water?" "That you shall know," answered he; "only wait until I come back."
Grimm, Jacob; Grimm, Wilhelm; Charles River Editors; Taylor, Edgar (2011-11-29). The Complete Brothers Grimm's Fairy Tales (Illustrated) (Kindle Locations 2234-2237). Unknown. Kindle Edition.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Wolf Along the Path

I know, I know pregnancy is full of twists and turns and hazards you must be aware of (no deli meats, no unpasteurized cheeses, no aspirin) but after getting the great news that I was pregnant and that my hCG levels were rising the way they should I thought I would have some time to catch my breath before the next obstacle.  It's not a big thing... I have to keep telling myself that.  It's not a big thing but when you have had one miscarriage before any bump can make you worries and can make mountains out of molehills.  Yesterday I found a message on my phone from Shelley at ARMS, I immediately started to get anxious (I tried not to), I was worried that there was something wrong and that's why they were calling.

Turns out that on Thursday when they drew blood to test my thyroid that my TSH, Thyroid Stimulating Hormone, was elevated which means my thyroid is low.  My TSH was at a 4.23 and they want it at a 2.5 so they are upping my dosage of Levothyroxine from 0.05mg to 0.075mg.  I picked it up last night and took my first dose this morning.  The reason why this is somewhat concerning is that untreated hypothyroidism can lead to developmental issues and miscarriage of the fetus.  Luckily the key word there is untreated which mine is not so we just have to watch it and they will do another blood test in 4 weeks to see if they need to adjust again.  I just have to wonder now if I should ask for a blood test in a week to make sure that the dosage increase is working.  Handsome is worried as well when I told him and made sure we picked up the prescription right away.

Hoo.  Deep Breath.  I just have to keep thinking positive and move forward.  Last night my husband took me out for dinner to celebrate and today we are meeting up with friends to watch some soccer. 

Little Red-Cap (or Little Red Riding Hood)
"and just as Little Red-Cap entered the wood, a wolf met her. Red-Cap did not know what a wicked creature he was,"
Grimm, Jacob; Grimm, Wilhelm; Charles River Editors; Taylor, Edgar (2011-11-29). The Complete Brothers Grimm's Fairy Tales (Illustrated) (Kindle Locations 2046-2047). Unknown. Kindle Edition.

Thursday, June 7, 2012


I went in for my second blood test today.  I was trying to be optimistic but was scared that i would get bad news.  Today a little after 12 o'clock I got the call - so happy I didn't have to wait until almost 4 like Tuesday.  Shelley, my favorite nurse at ARMS, said, "I get to tell you the exciting news!"  and went on to tell me that my hCG was at 111 which is GREAT!!!  I am so happy I am over the moon.  I still have to get the butt shots until at least my first ultrasound but that's fine, bring it on, I could get 10 shots a day and still be happy and excited about this baby and I only have to do one.  In addition I get to start taking Estrace by mouth, until now I have had to take it vaginally and its not something I look forward to, there is no applicator so you have to use your finger.  You know there is a reason I never used the O.B. tampons - I want an applicator.  But that is over and I get to take them by mouth now.  I also asked about exercising and they said walking and light weights is fine, they just want to make sure I don't get overheated, bounce around or over exert.  I think I will start out by walking at the gym again and them move on to my weight lifting with lighter weights.  Thanks everyone for keeping your fingers crossed for me.  I am so excited and will continue to keep you up to date.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Baker's Man

Today I went in at 8am for a serum pregnancy test - serum means they do it from a blood draw.  I was told that I would hear sometime this afternoon and that if I didn't hear anything by 4:30 to call them.  I had my phone on me all day, as it got later and later I got more and more stressed.  At 3:45 I actually felt a little light headed.  Finally at 3:48 the doctor called.  She said the test was positive but the number was lower than they would like it to be.  My hCG level was at 43 and they like it to be at 50.  I will have to go back in Thursday for a retest.  So I am cautiously optimistic and telling our little baby to "grow baby, grow!"  On Thursday the number should be 1.5 to 2 times higher than it is now.  I started crying on the phone because it was so overwhelming.  I know it isn't a definite "yes" and that we still have 9 months to go until a successful birth but after hearing "no" for so long I am taking this as a positive sign.  So please keep your fingers crossed and keep me in your thoughts.  I will let you know what happens Thursday.

"Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man,
Bake me a cake as fast as you can.
Roll it, and prick it, and mark it with a "B"
And put it in the oven for Baby and me"